


You

by Babystiles



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek is emotional constipated, Emotional Hurt, Happy Ending, Leaving, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babystiles/pseuds/Babystiles
Summary: “I don’t know what you want from me.”“Yes you do.”
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115





	You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by a song called ‘you’ by vict Molina, you can find it on YouTube :)

STILES STARED AT THE WINDOW, watching tiny droplets of rain cascade from the top in a thin trail to the bottom where it all pooled together in a puddle at the ledge. He brought his right hand up and traced one lonely droplet with the tip of his pointer finger. The coolness of the glass sent a chilling pulse down the length of his arm, climbing up into his right shoulder, across his chest, and unfurling in the rest of his muscles, forcing them to size up and tremble. Stiles pulled his finger away from the glass but the biting feeling of the cold stayed long after he buried his hands in the sleeves of his hoodie. 

"I don't know what you want from me" 

The rain persisted when Stiles pushed himself away from the window and walked over to his bed. He ran his fingers along the seams of the navy blue bedding, running the material between his pointer finger and thumb. He allowed his eyes to shut once he ran out of fabric, his hand falling back to his side, brushing against the rough denim of his jeans. 

"What's left for you here?"

The room was cold, everything dull from the gloomy weather outside. The clouds casted shadows across every corner of the room, the smiling pictures hanging on the wall so dull and lifeless that his eyes refused to linger on them for more than a second. When his eyes landed on the two duffle bags at the door they fixated on the black bags. 

"I won't feel guilty for this" 

His stomach twisted in knots. A forest of vines full of sharp thorns and poisonous sap twined around his intestines, looping and circling one another until it was nothing but a dark mass of coils blending into the darkness of the pit of his stomach. An abyss to the naked eye and a maze of fear, regret, and emptiness at closer examination. 

"I'm not coming back"

Stiles walked towards the bags and picked one up in each hand, their weight almost too much for his heavily burdened shoulders. The dark, glum of the room felt like a feather landing on top of a pile of bricks, that tiny, seemingly harmless piece of fur enough to make everything finally collapse. The vines in his stomach casted over with a mechanical gray color, like the clouds outside were seeping through the pores in his skin and making a new home inside of him. 

"It hurt to watch you"

He left his room with one final glance around. He allowed his eyes to flick over each photo on his otherwise empty desk. He stared at himself with his head tilted back with laughter, Scotts arm thrown over his shoulder laughing too. Allisson, Scott, and Lydia stared at him with shining eyes lighting up their faces and ice skates strapped to their feet. The entire group: Scott, Kira, Malia, Lydia, Jackson, Derek, Mason, Liam, and Corey, sent him happy smiles from the preserve, arms wrapped around each other, bonds securely snapped into place. His mother sent him a reassuring glance from his bedside table, her honey eyes casting warmth over the vicious vines infesting him. 

"When I'm near you..."

Stiles looked back over to the picture of the pack in the preserve and zeroed in on one face in particular. They were smiling freely, something they hadn't allowed themselves to do in years. The warmth that flickered inside of Stiles diminished as he stared into the kaleidoscope eyes, the blue, green, grey and yellow mixture sending bolts of cold spikes through his body, the vines in his stomach snaking around themselves even more, making it harder for him to breathe. 

"...things make sense..."

His mind started to spiral before he could get a hand around it to keep it in place. The carefully emptied parts of his brain started filling themselves with quiet, prolonged nights in the depths of research at the loft, when they were so tired and overloaded with caffeine that they forgot they had a had a frozen pizza in the oven until the fire alarms were going off. Stiles couldn't stop laughing as he was fanning a pillow below the alarm on the ceiling, spiraling into uncontrollable guffaws when Derek burned his hand and the pizza clattered to the floor. The world was so quiet when Derek was chasing Stiles around the loft throwing pieces of pizza that were burnt to a crisp at him. 

"...and I've tried to erase that feeling..." 

Stiles shook his head, ignoring the vines that started crawling up his throat, trying to constrict his breathing with thorns poking into his neck. Everything crumpled to pieces of tan skin, long brown hair, and pretty pink lips sporting a claim that never belonged to Stiles... that never would. He shook his head again, blinking hard and steeling himself as he forced his feet to take steps out of the door, away from the room, away from the pictures... away from the memories. 

"...but I can't"

The brain was a tricky thing. No matter where you went, you can't escape your own mind. You can throw away pictures, burn letters, leave people behind, the memories, the feelings, stayed no matter how many steps you took. Stiles could still smell firewood and pine scented body wash as he took the first step to go downstairs. He could still feel the heat throughout his body when his lips got that one, tiny taste. His shoulder still burned where that hand pushed him away. 

"It was never going to be us"

John stood by the open front door with a cooler in one hand and the keys to the jeep in the other hand. He silently held them both up, his eyes shining with tears that he would die before allowing to fall in front of Stiles. The boy didn't comment on it, simply offered a small smile as he followed his father outside and into the misty rain. They took slow steps to the jeep, the world so quiet even outside of the silent home. Stiles threw both of his duffle bags into the backseat, then took the cooler from his father and placed it on the front passenger seat. His father flinched when Stiles reached for the keys, so he paused. They stood there staring at each other, the rain soaking their clothes and matting down their matching chestnut hair. The tears, the yelling, the apologies, and the goodbyes had already been shared. There was nothing left to say. 

"You never wanted it to be..."

Stiles moved in first, wrapping his arms around his father and squeezing tight. Johns arms immediately snaked around Stiles' waist and he was holding onto him tight as he allowed his tears to fall with the closing of his eyes. They mixed with the rain, concealing themselves amongst the precipitation when he pulled away, ducking his head and he gave a firm pat to his sons shoulder. John nodded, placing the keys in Stiles' hand with a look into his eyes that conveyed every last apology, declaration and goodbye that he could never put into words. John pressed a kiss to his sons forehead, and ruffled his hair for good measure before stepping away and climbing the porch. He leaned against the pillar of the porch and watched silently as Stiles climbed into the Jeep. 

Stiles sat there for a moment, waiting for something more. He looked over to the passenger seat, just the cooler taking up the space. 

"...and you should have made that clear"

Stiles let himself into the loft with a shaky inhale of tense air. Everything was quiet, just the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears there to fill that empty silence. Derek looked up from the couch, his face falling like he knew this was it. He heard the rabbiting of Stiles' heart, smelled the sourness in Stiles' scent, and took in the nervous, forlorn expression on his face. 

"I leave in a few days" Stiles said, his steps less confident and determined than they were before he walked into the loft. Derek nodded, sliding to sit on the edge of the coach, leaning his elbows on his knees. Stiles stared at the man, waiting for him to do something other than that tiny movement of his head, maybe, just maybe, say something. "I'm not coming back" he added when Derek offered him nothing. The mans eyes fell down to the floor, his mouth forming nothing but a straight line. Stiles' jaw clenched, his head shaking as he took a precise step forward, the movement prompting Derek to look up again. 

"I don't know what you want from me" Derek said, shrugging his shoulders like he genuinely meant what he just said. 

"Yes you do" Stiles went to take another step forward but abandoned the thought when Derek stood up from the couch. 

"I won't feel guilty for this, Stiles. You can't make me feel guilty for staying when you're the one leaving" Derek stared at him pointedly, his stance wide and defensive. 

"What's left for you here? A town full of people who stare at you with either, fear, pity, or disgust? A withering pack of people who don't appreciate you and all the fucking incredible things that make you you? What is it that you are clinging so hard to, Derek" Stiles feels like he's pleading, and beneath the words, where the insistence, determination, and hope are buried, he knows he is pleading. He'd get down on his knees and beg and plead until his skin bled if it meant Derek would walk out of that door with him. 

"Maybe I'm trying to have a normal life with someone I really like" Derek's voice was even and low as he said, staring at Stiles from beneath his eyelashes. "Maybe I don't want to spend my life running and chasing after something that doesn't exist. You don't pack up all of your stuff to go 'find yourself', you do it to run away. It's exactly what I did Stiles, you can't lie to me. I'm not interested in running anymore" He crossed his arms as he finished. Stiles could see the tick in the mans jaw as it clenched. 

"Don't give me that bullshit. That is not the reason that you're saying no and you know it. I can handle it if you don't want to go but don't give me an excuse" Stiles shook his head, dipping his finger into one of the loops in his jeans so his hands wouldn't start shaking. 

"It hurt to watch you with her" He whispered, like an abandoned shot in the dark. "Don't lie to me Derek, I may not be able to hear your heart but I can fucking feel it. You think I've never seen the way you look over at me when she touches you? You think I don't see the guilty look on your face when you hear my heart stutter" 

"You think because I pity you that means I love you? Don't kid yourself just to make me the bad guy" Stiles' eyes went wide and a small, unbelieving smile made his lips curl up. 

"Pity me? Who the fuck are you trying to lie to, Derek? I know you better than anyone else in the pack. I know you better than you know yourself. I know how many times you rearranged your book shelf because you couldn't decide whether you wanted them lined up by favorites or size because you like it when they line up perfectly. I know that you go to the hospital every Friday to sniff around and make sure there's no threat to Melissa because you consider her part of the pack. I know you switched from lavender detergent to pine because Isaac scrunched his nose at it. I know that even though you say you don't care, it hurts when you preach about doing pack things but they still don't invite you to do things with them. I fucking know that you'll pour your entire heart and soul into her even though you've been hurt, manipulated and lied to. I fucking know that she will never, ever love you the way you're going to force yourself to love her" Derek's breath caught in his throat but he held his composure. 

"it was never going to be us" Derek said. Stiles' breath fell away from him as he realized where they were now. He was standing there, closer to Derek than the door, and Derek was standing to the left of the couch so he had the coffee table and the sofa between them. Stiles nodded and his eyes fluttered for a second, allowing his stomach to sink and his muscles to clench. 

"You know" Stiles' voice was so much softer than it was moments prior and Derek knew... he knew what that meant. He knew what it meant when Stiles' voice suddenly dropped into a low, calm and steady stream of seemingly unaffected words. He couldn't breathe but Stiles continued anyway. "When I'm near you things make sense..." Stiles scoffed at himself. "and I've tried to erase that feeling but I can't. It was never going to be us? You never wanted it to be us" Derek suddenly couldn't handle the way Stiles was staring at him. He tilted his head down to look at the floor, his eyes fluttering shut and squeezing tight. 

"You never wanted it to be us and you should have made that clear" Derek's heart was in his throat. 

"I did" He whispered, but his voice cracked on the already weak argument. "I pushed you away" they both knew what he was referring to. 

"When?" Stiles threw a hand up, but the once insistent and demanding motion was just tired now. "After you kissed me like your life depended on it? After you sighed into my mouth like you had been walking for a hundred years and you finally found a place to rest? After you allowed me to pull you closer and kiss you harder?"

"Stop" Derek was pleading in his own stoic, guarded way. 

"You think you can lie to me but you can't. You want to be a coward? Fine. Just don't be a liar too" 

The last thing heard was the loft door slamming shut. 

Stiles took a deep breath as he looked away from the passenger seat and let it out as he started up the jeep. He waved once more to his father, managed a tiny smile, then started driving. He could feel the weights being lifted off of his shoulders the closer he got to the edge of town, and that relief was just barely more prominent than the vines. 

\- eight years later - 

Stiles breathed in deep as he stepped into the coffee shop, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it over his arm as he stepped into line. He stopped dead in his tracks when the man behind the counter turned to greet him and Stiles saw those kaleidoscope eyes staring right into his own. 

"Stiles" his name fell so softly from those lips, it had air around him shifting and deafening. 

"I knew this day would come, I just didn't think you'd be standing behind the counter of a coffee shop" Stiles breathed out shakily, stepping closer to the counter. Derek was standing there staring, his mouth gaping open in shock. Stiles raised his eyebrows, looking around the empty shop for a moment before his eyes turned back to Derek. 

"I know we haven't seen each other in eight years but you can close your mouth now" Stiles chuckled awkwardly. 

"I told myself" Stiles almost startled at the rough but soft tone of the mans voice. "I told myself a few years ago that if I ever saw you again" Derek dropped the rag that was in his hand and moved away from the counter, towards Stiles' side. "I would tell you that I'm in love with you and that I am so sorry I let you go and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me." Derek shook his head, his eyes running with tears. 

"Why did you let me go in the first place?" Stiles asked, the question burning in his mind for eight years. Derek stared at him for a second, looking hesitant before pulling something out of his wallet. 

"A week before you told everyone that you were leaving," Derek opened his wallet and held it out for Stiles. He took with hesitant hands, his breath hitching, "Braiden told me that she was pregnant." Stiles stared down a beautiful little girl, her skin a deep golden color, her hair pitch black. She obviously got her eyes from her father, the color swirled with greens and blues and soft browns. Derek was in the picture with her, looking just a year or two younger, smiling softly down at her as she showed him something in her palm that looked like a rolly polly. 

"What's her name?" Stiles asked, voice tight. 

"Talia,"

"After your mother," stiles smiled sadly down at the photo. "You and Braiden must be really happy," he added. 

"We were, for about a week," Derek chuckled, "you know it's funny how vivid our last encounter was, your words played over and over in my head because you were absolutely right. I did everything and anything for Braiden while she was pregnant. I built everyone for the nursery by hand, I stocked the entire loft with all of her favorite foods and drinks, I showered her with attention,"

"The point?" Stiles asked, his stomach dropping a bit. 

"The point," Derek took a step closer to the man, "is that you were right. I forced myself to love her with everything inside of me and she never felt a fraction of it for me. She rode out her pregnancy with me, and a week after giving birth she was gone. She left a note saying she was sorry and that she never wanted to be a mother. I haven't seen her since. She sends Talia birthday cards every year but other than that, I don't really have any contact with her," Derek shrugged. 

"Why didn't you reach out?" stiles asked, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why didn't you just call me and explain? I would have understood why you stayed," he urged. 

"I wanted to!" Derek assured. "Every day I wanted to pick up the phone and call you, tell you what a terrible mistake I made when I lied, but I was too much of a coward. I was afraid that you wouldn't forgive me for hurting you, I was afraid that if you had moved on and by me calling I would ruin that for you, I was afraid that you would give up everything to come back. Then every day that went on it just got harder and harder to think about," Derek shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I should have been honest with you from the beginning but I didn't want to stop you from following your dreams, I didn't want to take that away from you because of my feelings," 

"You are such an idiot, Derek Hale," Stiles shook his head. 

"I know," Derek whispered. 

"It's a good thing I love you," stiles smiled, throwing his arms around the mans shoulders and kissing him hard. Derek hesitated for one single moment, then drowned himself in the taste of Stiles. This kiss was different than the one they shared years ago. That one was rushed and desperate and confusing. This one was pure static, passion, and reassurance. Derek gripped Stiles' hips like his life depended on it, kissing Stiles with every ounce of love and affection inside of him. 

"You have a lot of making up to do, starting with a cup of coffee," stiles said, smiling as he pulled back with red lips. Derek chuckled, stealing two or three more kisses before going back behind the counter. 

"Coffee sounds like a good first step," Derek said, smiling as he poured two cups. 

Ten years later 

Stiles stepped into the coffee shop and shrugged off his coat, setting it on the coat rack by the door. 

"Be right with you," the girl behind the counter called without looking up. Stiles rolled his eyes, walking up to the counter and leaning his elbows against it. 

"What rude customer service. Not even a hello," he said. The girl whipped her head up and smiled wide. 

"Papa!" She shrieked, dropping the rag she was holding and running around the counter. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tight. 

"It's only been two weeks Tally," he chuckled, though he was holding her just as tightly. 

"Two weeks without your lame jokes and morning coffee," Talia said.

"Papa?" Talia let go once the other voice called out. Stiles turned around and smiled at the boy who had just walked out from the back room. Isaac, a boy Derek and Stiles has adopted two years into their relationship, ran up to stiles and threw himself into the mans arms. Talia smiled, ruffling her brothers hair. Talia being ten when they adopted Isaac had put her in a very protective role with the six year old. They were two years apart but they were thick as thieves. 

"I missed you," Isaac said, burying his face in Stiles' neck. Stiles' job as an FBI agent was hard for Isaac when he was younger, and even know at sixteen. The boy was taken from an abusive household and Stiles was the first person he truly trusted after that. The man leaving for days or weeks at a time was never easy but it was something they all got used to. 

"I missed you too bub, where's dad?" Stiles asked, smoothing his hand along his sons back. 

"Should be coming any minute now," Talia said, moving back behind the counter to help customers. Isaac sticked close to Stiles' side, asking about his assignment and the criminal he had been hunting. Stiles indulged him with every detail, spinning the story and asking Isaacs theory before giving it all away. He looked up when the bell above the door rang out and smiled as Derek walked through. 

"Papa!" A set of sweet little voice rang out, two little bodies colliding with his legs. 

"Munchkins!" Stiles shouted happily, scooping Erica and Heather up, their blonde hair swaying. "Did my two little angels behave while papa was gone?" He asked, getting sweet nods from both six year olds. 

"Yeah right," Derek chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Stiles' lips. "Welcome home," he whispered against his lips. 

"Good to be home," he smiled softly at his little family.


End file.
